It took me a long time to admit that I was a fearful flyer. It didn’t hit me until I was in my mid 20s with two young children. My dad is a retired pilot, and my mother is still a flight attendant. I have been on airplanes since I was 8 weeks old. If anyone should feel odd about this fear, it’s me. Let me share with you how I overcame my fear as a grown adult with a family and so many responsibilities.
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How I became a fearful flyer –
When I began feeling anxious and fearful about flying, I couldn’t understand why, but over the last few years I have pinned it down to September 11, 2001. When the Twin Towers attack happened, I was 12 years old and on a plane that was about to take off. My older brothers and I were headed back home after a family funeral, our parents were staying in TN to finish up things from my grandfather’s passing.
The plane had just left the gate, we were headed toward take-off, when the pilot came on and mumbled something. My brothers and I were confused, we didn’t understand what had been said on the intercom and then the plane started back to the gate. We knew something must be seriously wrong because once a plane leaves the gate, they don’t go back unless it’s an absolute, absolute emergency.
Anyway, long story short, we found out what happened once we de-planed and couldn’t leave to head home for almost a week. The point of this story is to say, that this is where my fear stemmed from. Before this point, I had been on airplanes all the time and it was safe to me. Never once had it crossed my young mind that something could go wrong, I mean, my father flew these things every week. My mother worked on these every week. But, that tragic day in 2001, it had all changed.
This took years before it affected me –
This fear I had, didn’t manifest a whole lot until I had my own children. I can remember being 15 and traveling twice to TN to visit family and kind of starting to feel a little anxious, but it hadn’t become an issue yet, so I shrugged it off. Then, when my oldest was born in my 20s, we flew to TN to visit family, and my anxiety had become a little more intense, but I still didn’t tell anyone how I was feeling. I mean, my parents did this every week, I’ve done this since I was a baby, and now I’m afraid of it? I figured they would think I was nuts.
Then, my second son was born. When he was 2 years old, we flew, again, to TN to visit and this time I could barely get to the airport. I started to panic, heart racing and sweating, just thinking about getting on the plane months before we even left. I still didn’t tell anyone. Although I was nervous, I made it on the flight, managed through my fear and landed without an outward episode. Inside, I was dying.
Two Years Later –
Fast forward two more years later, same flight, same route I have taken many, many times before. This time, my husband wasn’t going with me and the kids, but my mother was. I had ended up telling everyone about my fear several months before when my mother and I were planning this trip. Of course, like I figured, they thought I was crazy. It didn’t make sense to my parents, brothers, or my husband. Which, in all fairness, it didn’t make sense to me either at the time, but since then I have done a lot of inward searching and outward research to figure it out.
Anyway, leading up to this trip, I was in a full panic anytime I thought about the plane. By this time, our daughter was born, she would be a year old by the time we went on this trip. Every time we would go out to run errands, I would purposely drive by the airport we would be leaving from to try to tamper some of my anxiety, it didn’t work.
I tried to remind myself that people do this every day, it didn’t help. Remembering all the times I had been on a plane, and nothing had happened, didn’t work. I tried reminding myself that my parents have done this weekly since I was born, it didn’t work. I tried to look forward to the fun things we were going to do on this trip, it didn’t work. Nothing I did was helping.
The day of the trip, my stomach was in knots. I didn’t know if I was going to throw up or do the opposite. My heart was racing while I’m trying to feed the kids, gather all our things, and keep myself together for them. The thing is, they knew I had this problem. They didn’t understand it either, but they would say, “Mama, it’s okay,” and give me a hug. ha-ha sweet kiddos.
Long story short, we got on the plane, I almost had a full panic attack (like I was breathing into the sick bag to try to calm down and my mom almost told the flight attendant we needed to go back to the gate). We didn’t go back to the gate, I managed to settle just enough to stay on the plane. Throughout the whole flight I tried to focus on my kids, get them things, and when they didn’t need anything, my legs were shaking, my hands were shaking, and I was just trying to breathe.
After that episode, I managed to make it home on the return flight, in similar fashion. Once we were home, I had decided I needed to do something about this. I couldn’t live like this, and I didn’t want to be held hostage because of my fear.
One thing that no one understands about anxiety is that it is uncontrollable at times. In my mind, I felt as though I had no control over my flare ups. I didn’t want to feel that way, I didn’t want to feel like I was overreacting. I wanted to be like everyone else and get on the plane without worry. So, I knew I would need to find something or someone to help me.
I did my research and googled everything, looking for a solution.
The Solution –
I found the book, Soar: The Breakthrough Treatment for Fear of Flying by Tom Bunn. My mind was made up, I would give it a try. He has a website that also has a whole lesson plan with videos for a fee and some free videos. We were a young family at the time living off of one income, so paying for therapy, even just videos, was not an option. I purchased the book through Thriftbooks and began reading as soon as it got to my house.
This book helped to change my thinking.
After reading through the book, it helped me to see the plane and flight time as nothing more than science. The book gave me tips on how to calm myself before and during flight. It gave me the science and mechanics of how the plane operates, the noises you hear, turbulence, and weather. A lot I already knew from my parents, but a lot I didn’t know, and it was nice to not feel crazy anymore.
I read the entire book and then we booked flights to Oregon with a connecting flight in California. I handled it so well! Miraculously, I was able to get on and off the plane without feeling those dreaded anxiety attacks. I was back to my old self. I have always loved being in airports and I always loved flying in my younger years before anxiety reared its ugly head. Now, I get to love those things again because of Soar.
You can do this!
Since I began my journey to helping my anxiety, we have flown to TN (again :)) and Oregon (again :)). We are planning an international trip now, too. Each flight I get a little bit better and if I forget, I just start reading again.
This might not work for everyone, but it sure helped me.
My husband has told me of his employee’s wife who has a fear of flying and of a manager in his company with the same fear. I tell him, “Tell them about the book!” Each time, he tells me, “I already did.”
He tells them about my anxiety/fears, how my parents are a pilot and flight attendant (people are usually surprised by my fear when they learn about my parents), and how I helped cure myself with the help of Soar.
If you ever want to discuss fear of flying for yourself or someone you know, leave me a comment. I would love to help! If you would like to see about purchasing the SOAR book, you can check his website up above or I ordered mine through Thriftbooks (we were a single income at the time).
If you are looking for family travel tips or destination locations, check out my other travel posts here.
